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Category: Mental Health
Wedding Planning When You Have Anxiety
What does wedding planning look like when you have anxiety? Well, it actually looks pretty much the same. Only, you overthink everything and it feels like making decisions is twice as hard. Thankfully, there are some really great tools available to help make things easier and as stress and anxiety free as possible.
When I got engaged in April of 2022 it was the most exciting moment of my life and I couldn’t wait to be married to my fiancé. We had eighteen months to plan our perfect wedding and while that was exciting, it was also a little daunting.
I was never one of those girls who had dreamt of their wedding day since they were a child. I also knew that because of my anxiety I didn’t want a big wedding. Something that was on the smaller scale with just close friends and family felt more like me.
Trying to figure out what we wanted our wedding to look like wasn’t actually that hard. The hardest part was figuring out where we needed to start beyond that.
Thank goodness for the best wedding planner because I would have been LOST without it. I had no idea what the first step in planning a wedding was supposed to be and this book helped me to do that.
Included in the book were checklists and worksheets that helped my fiancé and I identify what sort of budget we were looking at, what kind of vision we had for the wedding, and literally everything else in between.
This book was not only a life saver for wedding planning, but it also helped keep me on track and level headed so I didn’t get overwhelmed by all that we had to do.
Helpful Apps
There are plenty of wedding planning websites out there to help aid you in planning your big day.
The two that I found to be the most helpful (and are also apps) were: Zola, and The Knot. Both are great multipurpose apps that allow you to do a wide variety of things.
Zazzle is great for any stationary needs you have like wedding invites and thank you notes. Zazzle also frequently runs promotions so you’re never paying top dollar for what you need.
Note: The links listed above for Zola, The Knot and Zazzle are not affiliate links. They will just direct you to their website.
Zola & The Knot offer:
- Wedding checklist
- Guest list
- Vendors section to help you find venues, photographers, DJ’s, caterers, beauty artists, etc.
- Wedding registry
- Wedding website
- Save the Dates & Wedding Invitations & more (and free samples! Yay!)
Zazzle offers:
- Save the Dates
- Wedding invitations
- Wedding Banners or Posters
- Menus
- Thank you cards
- So much more!
These apps are like digital versions of the wedding planner book which makes them handy because you can have them on the go instead of carrying around the book with you.
For myself, while I really liked using the app, I preferred to have a physical book on hand where I can scribble notes and comments.
I used each app, and the book, for different things, so you really can’t go wrong if you decide to have all three.
Make a list & check it twice… or three times… or four times
Not only was the wedding planner extremely helpful in easing the wedding planning anxiety, but so were the many, many, many, lists I complied. I love my lists and I love my organization.
Whether it came down to finding the right dress, venue, photographer, DJ, etc. I had a list for it. I kept hand written lists in a specific notebook, spreadsheets in Microsoft Excel, and documents in Microsoft Word.
I kept a record of all possible contenders, their prices, and what was included in their services. I compared each of them to one another and against our budget to find the right fit for us.
If you’re a list person, having a notebook strictly for you wedding planning endeavors is a good way to go. It’ll help you keep organized and you can always add or remove from it.
Find support
Planning a wedding is no small feat and having a support system around me made a huge difference in how I handled the stress and anxiety of it all.
I leaned heavily on my parents and my maid of honor for support and a boost of morale when I needed it. Any time I began to feel overwhelmed, or if my brain was running a mile a minute, they were there to help ground me.
My friends and family were always there when I just needed to rant, or cry, or bounce ideas off of them. They helped me stay focused on the things that mattered and set aside the things that didn’t.
Without them, this entire journey would have been far more stressful.
Take a break
Far more goes into planning a wedding than I realized and it took a toll on me mentally and physically.
There were plenty of times when I had to put things on the back burner and walk away from them completely because I found myself getting more agitated or upset than was necessary.
Allowing myself to take a step away and take a break helped me relax and gave me clarity about things that were once causing so much turmoil.
Don’t run yourself ragged. Everything will work out and all the things that need doing will get done.
The big day
The countdown is ON! We’re actually just over two weeks away (16 days) from the big day and the stress is real.
I’ve been sticking to my timeline in my wedding planner book and I’ve got all of my lists handy to keep me on track and to keep things flowing. I wrote out all the rest of the things that need to be accomplished and I assigned specific dates to them so I don’t get overwhelmed by the entirety of it.
My mom has been on speed-dial and we talk just about every day. Sometimes it’s wedding related and sometimes it’s not. She always knows when and when not to bring up wedding things so I don’t get all wigged out.
I’ve also been making sure I have enough down time where I’m not dwelling on every tiny detail about the wedding.
Planning a wedding is already stressful enough, but when you have anxiety it can feel even more stressful.
Do your best to keep organized, whether that’s with a wedding planner or lists upon lists upon lists (or both), and don’t forget to take breaks. Surround yourself with people who can support you in times of stress or overwhelmingness, and who can help keep you grounded.
Also, definitely don’t forget to allow yourself to have fun and enjoy the process. Getting married is such an exciting thing and I think it’s easy to forget that when our heads are filled to the brim with everything we have to accomplish.
Have fun & happy wedding planning!
With Love & Support,
Molly.
How Working Retail Helped Me Overcome My Anxiety
Working in retail helped me overcome my anxiety by pushing me out of my comfort zone, allowed me to grow my confidence, helped me develop my skills in communication and opened doors I never thought possible.
When I got my first job, I really was only doing it because it was the next step in becoming a “normal, functioning human being.” It was what kids my age were doing or had been doing since they were 16.
At 20, getting a job seemed to be the logical thing to do. Every one of my friends were making their own money, going out and doing things, and buying things. If I wanted to join them, I either had to ask my parents for money or my friends. They, graciously and thankfully, usually offered to pay. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t go.
I was beginning to feel like a burden, and not just financially. I also felt like I was missing out on a lot.
A BOOST IN CONFIDENCE
When I got my first job and started to make my own money, my confidence was the first thing I noticed that improved. While working was a little scary at first, I quickly realized how good I was.
I had a few moments where I was like “woah, look at me doing the things I never thought were possible for me.” It does something warm and fuzzy on the inside to me because I realized that I’m actually, truly, capable of doing scary and hard things.
Not only that, but it also felt good to be able to earn my own money and join in on activities and adventures with my friends. I no longer had to feel badly about asking my parents or friends to spot me anymore and that was an incredible feeling.
BETTER COMMUNICATION
Not only did I see an improvement in my confidence and happiness, but it also taught me how to be a better communicator.
Making friends in school was hard for me. My anxiety always stood in the way of me trying to strike up a conversation or made it difficult to keep one flowing. In retail, being able to communicate and build a rapport with customers was essential to building a connection with them.
I learned about “open ended questions,” which are questions that someone can’t just respond “yes” or “no” to. They are questions that can start with “how” or “what.”
Example: What brings you in today? How are you? What can I help you with today?
Using these types of open ended questions require the customer to respond in a way that leaves the door open for further conversation.
I also learned how complimenting someone went a long way in starting up a conversation as well.
Now, it’s so much easier to start conversations and to keep them going.
BREAKING HABITS
Working also had its challenges though. During our store meetings and we would have to role-play and my anxiety would shoot through the roof. I despised being the center of attention and wanted to avoid it at all costs.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t always get out of them, which ended up being a good thing. Being pushed out of my comfort zone and being exposed to those situations made them less scary.
I still didn’t necessarily like being in those situations, but I also didn’t try to avoid them either. I just let the anxiety move through me and then did the best I could.
Another challenge I faced was receiving criticism. I always ended up taking it super personally and took what they were saying to heart. It took me a while to realize they weren’t attacking me or my character.
Taking constructive criticism helped me in my regular day-to-day life as well. I learned I didn’t need to personalize everything and turn it into a negative comment or feeling about myself.
SETTING & MAINTAINING BOUNDARIES,
After a few years, I ended up in a leadership position and have maintained a leadership position since. Being a leader requires a whole new set of skills – skills that I didn’t think came easily by me.
As a leader, I had to be firm, but reasonable. I needed to be able to set and maintain boundaries. It also meant that I had to be able to have hard and difficult conversations, and I needed to stand up for, not only myself, but my associates and the business.
Some things came easier than others, but over time, I learned how to handle hard or difficult situations and I was no longer afraid of them either. Dealing with irate or angry customers is never fun, but I don’t cower away from them now.
Being a leader in retail has helped me to stand my ground and stand up for myself in my life outside of work.
I’ve learned and grown so much over all the years and I can’t possibly fit everything into this post. These are just the few things that have made the biggest impact on me and my anxiety.
I have seen a very noticeable difference in the way that I manage my anxiety and I’ve overcome quite a bit. I no longer struggle the way I used to and it’s all thanks to my little retail job.
With Love & Support,
Molly
My Post Interview Anxiety & How I Handled It
The hard part is over. I made it through the first interview I’ve had in six years. Yay me!
The initial adrenaline rush is gone, my soul shaking nerves are gone, but the gears in my head are still going and there’s this funky, fuzzy and static feeling in my gut.
After the interview, I thought everything would be fine and all the nerves and panic and everything would just… poof. I had really worked myself up over the whole thing and I was looking forward to the moment where it all disappeared.
But, literally a few minutes after the interview was over, and after a phone call to my mom to let update her on how it went, I was replaying the entire thing over in my head and that funky, fuzzy, static feeling in my gut persisted.
I was replaying what they said and the questions they asked and I was wishing I had said ‘this’ instead of ‘that,’ and I was beating myself up and feeling embarrassment over the minor fumble I had over ONE question.
I tried to move on with my day and tried to not keep thinking about the interview. I went to work and did my job and I felt… okay. I wasn’t feeling perfect, or great even, but I thought it went well and I tried to let myself feel proud of getting through that moment.
Being at work helped keep my thoughts elsewhere but on my way home that night, I had a complete breakdown in my car. (While I was driving on the highway, no less!) All the emotions that had been building up over the course of two or three days had finally erupted. The crying started, which quickly evolved into SOBBING. My chest got tight and it was hard to breath. My body felt like it was rigid from all the tension.
It’s been a few days now since the interview, and with a few days to process and with the release of all the emotional tension, I’m feeling better. I don’t feel 100% just yet due to the lingering anxiety that’s still there, but I don’t feel worse so I’ll take it.
While I wait to hear back from the company I interviewed for, I’ve been trying to keep my mind occupied on other things so I don’t work myself up over it (again), and so I don’t keep replaying the interview over and over (and over) again in my head.
I read an entire 400+ page book in two days, I’ve been watching cute movies on Netflix, I’ve been doing other writing things, and I’ve been trying not to obsessively check and refresh my emails 100 times a day.
Over all, I’d say I handled things in about the way I expected I would.
Mental breakdown? CHECK!
Over analyze? CHECK!
Replay the entire interview? CHECK!
Beat myself up for a small mistake? CHECK!
Bury myself in anything else to avoid thinking about it? CHECK!
The key take-away for myself here is that I did the best the could (during the interview) and I should be proud of myself for powering through it and I should also be proud of myself for doing the one thing that gives me the most anxiety.
I had written a post months ago about how to conquer interviews when you have anxiety and, for the most part, I followed the advice I’d given to you all. Mostly.
It had been a long time since I had an interview and I realized that when your in an anxious state, it’s hard to remember all the useful and helpful tools you’ve learned and it’s harder to put them to use.
My reminders for you are these:
Do the best you can because that’s all you can do.
Try to use what you’ve learned to help keep yourself calm and try, try, try, not to overthink everything too hard.
Try not to beat yourself up over any fumble or mistake you made during it and instead, try to forgive yourself for it. We’re not perfect. Sometimes we fumble.
Take a moment to congratulate yourself for getting through it and give yourself a pat on the back.
Be proud of what you’ve just done! You did a scary and brave thing! That’s so freaking awesome!
If you have to cry, then totally cry! It’s just a way of releasing all the emotion and the tension that you’ve built up and it’s a completely normal response.
Take what you’ve learned from this experience and apply it to the next one.
With Love & Support,
Molly
My First Interview in SIX years!
Woah! It’s been six long years since I’ve had to interview for a job! All I can say is, “wow!” and that my anxiety was at an all time high!
After having been in retail for nine years, and being at my current store for six of them, it was a little difficult to warm up to the idea of having to sit through an interview. Knowing how, in the past, I’ve handled situations like this, I was NOT looking forward to it.
The feelings that arose were reminiscent of the days when I had major, major, anxiety attacks over these kinds of things, and I gotta tell ya, I don’t miss those days one bit.
When I found out I had secured an interview, I felt fine at first – semi-confident even, and I thought to myself, “Wow, you are handling this so well and my old self would be so proud of you right now!”
But then, (dun, dun, dunnn), the bubble guts hit, the heart rate accelerated, the sweaty palms and hot flashes started, and the brain kicked into overdrive. The interview was all I could think of. More like obsess over.
When I was at home, I occupied myself by watching four episodes of The Voice so I wouldn’t have to think about the impending doom.
Unfortunately, the later it got, the worse my anxiety got.
I stayed up for two, maybe three, hours researching “common interview questions,” copy and pasting them into my notes app, and answering them.
Funnily, I felt like they weren’t that difficult to answer, thanks to my work experience and knowledge, but… that wasn’t good enough for my anxious mind. I needed to know ALL the questions. I needed to have ALL the answers. So, I kept digging.
Eventually, I reached a point where I had to say to myself that what I was doing wasn’t helpful anymore and it was only fueling my anxiety, and I had to stop.
I put my phone down, turned off the bedside lamp, and tried to get some sleep. Without much luck, unfortunately.
Another hour passed as the gears in my head kept turning. I was having fake conversations, creating fake scenarios and situations, and still, fueling my anxiety.
I really tried to interrupt my snowballing thoughts and say to myself: Molly, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay and you got this. You can do this. I started saying to myself: You are strong and brave and courageous and you are going to absolutely fine. You have all the answers you need.
I also had to remind myself that, even if I don’t get this job afterwards, it’s totally fine. It doesn’t mean that I’m any less valuable or worthy. It just means that I wasn’t the right fit for the job, and that’s totally understandable.
Eventually, I was able to drift off to sleep. It was a sleep with lots of tossing and turning, but at least I got some sleep.
This morning, (the day of the interview), I tried my best to stay composed and positive and tried not to work myself up too much. As hard as I tried, my anxiety was coming through. I didn’t feel nearly as bad or anxious as I had last night, but the anxiety was still lingering – my hands were shaking and my stomach was bubbling something fierce.
On the plus side, I hadn’t completely broken down into tears and ugly cried like my life depended on it. (Yay! Progress!).
If you’re like me, and you really, truly struggle with situations like these, I’m going to put the links to the sites where I found the common interview questions here and here.
You can copy and paste, or handwrite, the questions and then answer them yourselves.
Take your time reading the questions, think about your answer first, and then write your answer down.
If you already have work experience, great! That’ll really help you a lot and you will be able to draw from your experiences.
If you don’t have any experience, no worries! You can use relevant examples from your life.
Try not to make up an answer, you want to be as authentic as possible. Consider saying: “While I haven’t had that kind of experience or been in that type of situation before, if faced with (that), I would do (this).
I know it’s hard to stay calm and level-headed under stress and pressure like this, but try your best and implement practices and calming techniques you’re familiar with to help.
Best of luck! (To both of us!)
We got this!
With love and support,
Molly
How To Conquer Interviews When You Have Anxiety
Sitting through an interview, which can already be an intimidating thing, can feel even more intimidating when you mix that with an anxiety disorder. There might not be a magical hack to make your anxiety about this event completely disappear but prepping beforehand will make a huge difference. Whether it’s your first interview ever, or even your third or fourth one, any bit of prep can help.
One of the scariest, most uncomfortable things I’ve done in my entire life was go to an interview. Sure, there are plenty of other things that one might find scarier, but for me… I’ve never experienced anxiety to such an extreme level. My first interview may not have gone so well, but I learned a lot through the experience and I’m here to share that with you.
First things first, super congrats on applying for a job! That’s a victory in and of itself, so make sure you take a moment to celebrate that!
Me cheering you on! You are so awesome! What To Expect
Now, there’s really no telling what the interview will be like or what the person interviewing you might be like, so try your best not to assume anything- especially the worst about either. That may only exacerbate any anxiety you’re already having.
Also, don’t assume that just because I had a bad first experience, or your friend did, or your Aunt Sally and your Uncle Tom did, that you will also have a bad experience. Remember, assuming anything without having the facts is a common mental mistake,
Anyways, more often than not, depending on where you’re interviewing you might be taken to a stock room, the food court, an office, a restaurants dining area, etc. The interviewer will sit you down and they may have your application on hand along, and they will ask you questions relevant to the position you’ve applied for.
Note: Regardless of where you’ve applied, be sure to dress appropriately. You always want to make sure that you don’t look like you’ve just thrown on the first thing you found in your closet.
Some interviews are over quickly, taking only 15 minutes to a half-hour. Some take longer, lasting about an hour or sometimes a little longer. After the interview is over, they will let you know they’ll contact you to inform you of their decision. Sometimes, they might even hire you on the spot!
How To Prepare
Research common interview questions.
A quick google search will bring up a plethora of results. One of the best sites I’ve come across was published by Indeed, who also offers how to answer these questions. You can access that here. After finding the questions you want, or think you’ll be asked, write out your answers and study them.
Make flash cards.
Make flash cards of the questions and practice answering them. You can even set up a mock interview with a family member or a friend. Think of it as studying for a test- although, you don’t want to sound robotic or too stiff when in the actual interview. And don’t be afraid to show them a bit of your pizzazz!
Be sure to practice your breathing exercises.
Practice often and especially on the day of the interview, to ensure you remain as calm and level-headed as possible. Any time you begin to feel like you might freak out or head straight for a panic attack- breathe.
Couple breathing exercises with journaling.
Put your thoughts on paper. Getting them out of your head may help declutter the mess and help you refocus your thoughts. Keep your eye out for any mental mistakes!
Complete the Three Rational Questions.
This technique is used to help you make sense of the mess of thoughts rolling about in your brain. This will allow you to stay rational and dispel any negative thoughts you’re having.
Keep your mind calm.
Try listening to an anxiety podcast, doing a meditation, or listening to soothing music. Pandora has a great selection of calming playlists such as: Native American Flute Radio (one of my faves), Mediation Spa Radio, New Age Ambient Radio, and 8d Relaxium Radio.
Give yourself friendly reminders.
Remind yourself that no matter what happens, your worth isn’t dependent on the outcome of the interview. You are always worthy. You are always brave. You are always strong. You are always smart. You are always valued and valuable.
Remind yourself that the world won’t end if you don’t end up with the result you wanted. When one door closes another one opens. If you don’t get this job, you can still get the next one.
Get a good night’s sleep.
When faced with any anxiety inducing situation, I know sleep tends elude us at all costs, so to avoid being over-tired AND overwhelmed make sure to head to bed as early as you can. Stay off of social media and turn off any distractions. If listening to calming music will help you sleep better, then that’s totally fine.
It’s GO Time
Depending on how early our interview is try getting up a few moments earlier to review your flash cards if you’ve made them or look over your questions/answers. Once again, try to resist the urge to obsessively read over them.
Finally, with all your prep finished, it’s time to SMASH that interview! You totally got this!
Sending you virtual hugs! You did it! You went to that interview and conquered your fear and it’s time to celebrate! Now, I know that it might have been an overwhelming experience but take a second to acknowledge that you did an amazing and courageous thing.
If you feel like you need to cry, then cry it out! I certainly did after my first interview… and my second and third one.
No matter what, no matter the results, I’m proud of you!
With love and support, Molly
Self-Limiting Beliefs and How to Overcome Them
Self-limiting beliefs are the negative self-perceptions that are rooted in our conscious and subconscious and keep us from achieving success in our lives and/or careers. These are the negative things we say and think about ourselves and our capabilities.
The subconscious belief system about ourselves influences things like our behavior, thoughts, feelings, and reinforces our core beliefs.
Our core beliefs are the central ideas we have about ourselves that we perceive as the truth. Core beliefs can be both positive and negative.
Just as affirmations are meant to empower and motivate us, self-limiting beliefs act against that and impact our ability to undertake important tasks and make important decisions.
What we constantly tell ourselves, whether it be positive or negative, we end up believing. For that is why we need to be aware and mindful of things we say to ourselves, consciously or not.
EXAMPLES OF SELF-LIMITING BELIEFS:
Using self-limiting phrases hinders our ability to succeed and to cope with many anxiety inducing situations.
These phrases usually look something like this:
- I am a failure
- I am not good at this
- I am not good enough
- I can’t do this
- I am not ready
- I must be stupid
- I don’t have the experience
- I should be better at this
If you’ve said any of these things before, or used similar phrases, you are not alone. Most people, even those without anxiety, struggle with self-limiting beliefs. Yes! Even professionals, actors, and entrepreneurs!
HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR SELF-LIMITING BELIEFS
In order to overcome your self-limiting beliefs, you need to be able to identify them and correct them when they occur.
IDENTIFY & WRITE IT DOWN
Take a moment to reflect on things you’ve said in the past, or even things you’ve said today. Did you use any of the phrases above? If so, then you’ve identified a limiting belief! Go ahead and write that belief down.
DETERMINE ITS ACCURACY
After you’ve identified a limiting belief and written it down, analyze its accuracy. Does it have merit? Do you have evidence to back up that belief? Is this belief stemming from a place of fear or from a past experience?
REEVALUATE THE “EVIDENCE”
Self-limiting beliefs can be so deeply rooted that we take past traumatic or negative events as all the “evidence” we need.
We tend to ignore other instances where there has been information that contradicts that belief.
Take a moment to consider times when you’ve proven a belief to be false.
REFRAME THE BELIEF
To develop real change in your self-limiting beliefs, and in turn, your core beliefs, you need to challenge your thoughts.
Monitor your thoughts more closely and work to modify any negative thoughts.
When you begin to have those thoughts, interrupt them immediately. Saying to yourself, “hey!” or “stop!” will prevent the negative thought from taking root. Remind yourself that this limiting belief is not based on any truth.
Reframe your negative thought into a positive one.
Avoid phrases such as: “I can’t…”, “I must…”, “I am not…”, “I don’t…”, “I should…”.
Try looking to affirmations for support. Pinterest is a great place to start your search! You can even find an “Affirmations” section on my Instagram @anxiousgirlscaryworld.
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF
Reframing your thoughts and changing your self-limiting beliefs is going to take work. Hard work. You might not get it right the first few times, and that’s okay. It’s going to take time and practice before you start to really get the hang of it.
Don’t beat yourself up for having a negative thought, you can’t always have a positive frame of mind 24/7. You’re only human. Just do your best, that’s all you can do anyways.
Overcoming your self-limiting beliefs and changing your core beliefs is possible. Keep practicing, keep reframing and reinforcing those positive thoughts.
Remind yourself that those old thoughts are invalid, outdated and sooo out of style!
“Get in
loserlover, we’re healing from past trauma and falling in love with life again.”With love and support, Molly
Overcoming Eye Contact Anxiety
The ability to make and maintain eye contact is an important aspect of everyday social interaction and helps strengthen connections between personal and professional relationships.
For people who have an anxiety disorder, making eye contact is often uncomfortable and any amount prolonged eye contact can arouse feelings of vulnerability and judgement, and can be perceived as threatening.
It is imperative that we understand that while feelings of discomfort and judgement will arise, we are not in any danger and making eye contact is harmless. In fact, making and maintaining eye contact is beneficial.
How making eye contact is beneficial:
- It makes you more memorable
- It makes what you’re saying believable
- You are perceived as confident and intelligent
- Helps create a solid connection with whom you are speaking
- Shows that you are attentive
Throughout your life you will undoubtedly have to have face-to-face conversations- that much is certain. Whether it’s an interview or a meeting, a trip to the grocery store or at a fast-food drive-thru window, you will be faced with daunting task of making eye contact.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to continue to be daunting.
Ways to overcome eye contact anxiety:
Have conversations with someone you feel safe with and focus on making eye contact with that person. You can ask them to alert you when/if they see you pulling away too often. (Tip: It is okay to break away for a moment, just as long as you make eye contact again.)
Count to five in your head and do your best to maintain eye contact during that time. When five seconds becomes less uncomfortable, add a few more seconds and try to hold it. If you find that a five-count gives you trouble, lower the count to three seconds and practice maintaining contact for that time. Once that becomes tolerable, try to hold for a longer count.
Find a different spot on the persons face to focus on. You can look at a spot that is slightly above their eyes or between the eyes.
Challenge yourself. Each time you go to the store or eat out, challenge yourself to make eye contact with your cashier or server.
Remind yourself that you are safe.
In an attempt to protect myself, I would avoid making eye contact with just about anyone outside of my immediate family and my best friends. Most of the time this was an unconscious thing, but I was aware that I was doing it.
It wasn’t until I started to look for my first job that I really understood the importance of making eye contact with someone.
I wanted to make a good impression, obviously, so I knew that I had to start trying to make eye contact and maintain it. Being aware of my aversion was already half the battle. The next step was to consciously choose to look people in the eye.Whenever I was eating out, or paying, or just speaking with anyone, I was telling myself, “Ok, Molly, look up from what you’re doing,” or “Don’t forget to make eye contact,” “You’re doing great! Hold for just a moment longer!”
The more I did this, the better it got. Rather than having to remind myself, which I still do at times, making eye contact became a normal reflex. I spend less time in my head and more time being able to truly listen or speak to someone.
Remember, things get easier with time and practice. You may feel uncomfortable or uneasy now, but it won’t feel that way forever. Keep in mind what you’ll gain. You so totally got this!
With love and support, Molly
Therapy for Anxiety
One of the most widely-used methods for treating individuals with anxiety is CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is also commonly known as talk-therapy, and takes place with a licensed mental health professional.
This form of therapy is designed to help you learn how to identify and understand your thought patterns and behaviors, as well as equip you with the tools needed to help you successfully cope with and manage your anxiety.
When to seek therapy?
When your anxiety becomes too much for you to manage on your own or has begun to interfere with your daily life, it is recommended that you seek out professional help.
Not only that, but if you’ve found that your anxiety is increasing in intensity, leading to panic attacks, or your coping mechanisms are no longer effective, it might be a sign that you require additional support.
Benefits of Therapy:
One of the advantages of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that your progress can be seen relatively quickly, within a matter of a few sessions. It must be kept in mind, though, that in order for progress to be made, you have to put in the work and effort that is required.
Another advantage is that the strategies you learn can be implemented into about every aspect of your everyday life. The tools and techniques you learn will help you cope better with any stressful events that you encounter in the future.
Therapy also offers you another level of support and provides you with a safe space to talk openly about your feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
What You Can Expect:
After meeting with a therapist, he/she will decide what your treatment plan will look like and how often you’ll meet.
Depending on the severity of your anxiety, it is possible that they recommend medication be taken as well. However, that decision will ultimately remain yours.
He/she may also assign tasks for you to complete such as: reading a specific book, journaling regularly, meditating, or other assignments.
Exposure therapy might be recommended as well. Exposure therapy, which is exactly as it sounds, exposes you gradually to a feared situation until that fear is eliminated.
During your sessions, you might talk, cry, yell, or all of the above, and that’s okay! All are allowed! It’s best that you are as open and honest as you can be. That’s when the best progress made!
Reminders:
It’s okay if you and your therapist click right away. It may take multiple sessions for you to feel at ease with them.
If, at any point, you feel that you and your therapist are not a match, that’s okay too! It can take some people a few tries to find someone who you connect well with. Don’t give up!
Don’t get discouraged if you don’t make progress as quickly as you’d like. As they say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
Do. The. Work. In order for you to truly make progress, it’s imperative that you do the work. The process works if you work it.
Becoming more aware of your thought patterns and behaviors and recognizing triggers is just the first important step. Knowing when and how to implement the tools you’ll learn is next important step.
The biggest difference between successful anxiety management and unsuccessful management is your ability to put to use what you learn.
Good luck on your journey! I’m rooting for you!
With love and support, Molly
Anxiety and Memory Loss
How many times have you been having a conversation with someone and half way through you forgot what you were talking about to begin with? How many times have you just read something and had no recollection of it? If you answered “lots of times,” or “all the time” then you may have experienced memory loss due to anxiety.
People with anxiety disorders generally experience short-term memory loss rather than long-term memory loss, meaning that you’ll still be able to remember significant events that you’ve experienced throughout your life.
Memory loss happens when there is an excessive elevation in cortisol levels over an extended period of time. Normally, cortisol helps kick-start our fight or flight response which can be a good thing for us, but for those of us who are constantly in states of high anxiety, the elevated levels of cortisol can impair our ability to recall or retrieve memories.
Not only that, but since individuals with anxiety also tend to have, not just one train of thought, but multiple trains of thought, it’s easy for some memories to get lost along the way. With so many thoughts bouncing around all at once it’s no surprise that a few things might slip our mind.
Poor sleep patterns and habits can also attribute to memory loss. Getting enough sleep is an essential part of forming memories. While we sleep the brain can consolidate any information we’ve gained throughout the day and then store it in our brain as memories.
Memory loss due to anxiety is common, yet it frequently goes unnoticed because we face more prominent and easily recognizable symptoms of anxiety.
We May Forget:
- Directions
- Pieces of information you just read
- Important deadlines
- Daily tasks
- Conversations that just took place
- Social events and/or birthdays
How to Combat Memory Loss
** This section contains links, but they are not affiliate links, meaning that I will not receive any compensation if you click, subscribe, or sign-up for these services. These links are included purely as a way to direct you to sites I highly recommend. **
To help us contend with short-term memory loss, there are few things we can do.
Use a notebook or planner to schedule events, birthdays, deadlines, or daily tasks. Write down directions as they’re given so we have a hard copy to reference. Take notes, and lots of them, whenever possible.
Try mental exercises. Websites like Lumosity (available for download on the Apple and Google app store) offers free and premium brain games that train your brain and help improve memory. Doing puzzles such as crosswords and sudoku (my fave), have been found to help improve memory health as well.
Get a good night’s sleep and let your brain store those memories! Implement a sleep schedule to help you establish a routine that ensures you’ll hit your full eight hours. Turn off your electronic devices if you can, but if not, try playing relaxing music or meditations.
I am constantly telling my friends and co-workers I suffer from the “Dory Syndrome” because I’m always forgetting information that was just relayed to me or losing my train of thought mid-sentence. At first I said this as a joke, but then I realized that this was happening pretty regularly and has been for quite some time.
Dory from Finding Nemo I never thought about my “Dory Syndrome” as being a completely real and valid thing until recently. Because of the frequency in which this was happening, I decided to do a little bit of research and I found that this is a common, yet less obvious symptom of anxiety.
The more I look back on conversations or interactions I’ve had, the more I can see the moments where the memory loss occurred. There are a few instances where I was asked a question by a member of management, and even though I knew I knew the answer, I couldn’t find it or verbalize it- the answer was no longer in my brain but floating around somewhere in the stratosphere.
Now that I’m more aware of this memory loss and how often it occurs, I rely a lot more on writing things down. I have a giant desk calendar at work where I jot anything and everything down. I have a billion-and-one notes saved on my phone. I have alarms set to go off for events and bills that I scheduled in my calendar on my phone as well. I also have quite the collection of sudoku puzzle books and a sudoku puzzle app!
If you find that you are experiencing the “Dory Syndrome,” or short-term memory loss, your anxiety could be the cause.
You can combat this by ensuring that you record things like events, birthdays, payments, etc. in a planner or notebook, by trying your hand at some brain games or puzzles, and by getting better sleep.
Remember, as always, you are not alone!
With love and support, Molly
Five Things To Stop Doing If You Have Anxiety
Trying to successfully manage your anxiety every day is no small feat. It takes a lot of energy day in and day out, and after a while it can begin to take a toll on you mentally and physically. To help you better manage your anxiety there are a few things that you should stop doing.
Comparing
Each of us is unique in our own way. We all have our own quirks, which is what sets us apart from the next person and makes us special. Your body, your mind, your skills, the way you laugh, your style, is all unique to you. The same thing goes for your journey. Your journey is your own. Everyone obtains certain goals and accomplishes certain things at their own rate. Try to stop thinking that you have to have accomplished this or that just because so and so did. Remember that life is not a race, nor a competition. Constantly comparing yourself and your path to others will only invite more anxiety into your life, as well as feelings of inadequacy, and it could lead to depression.
Limit the time you spend on Instagram or Facebook, unfollow / unfriend people whose posts leave you feeling unworthy, unhappy, and uninspired.
Overthinking
I know, I know. Easier said than done, right?
Overthinking for some people has become second nature. You don’t even have to try to overthink, you just do. Rather than constantly giving into the incessant flow of negative thoughts and allowing them to consume you, try to recognize your thoughts for what they are- thoughts. You don’t have to avoid thinking, that’s nearly impossible. You can mull things over for a bit, but if mulling over turn into dwelling, then that’s when you need to put a stop to it.
If you can, try to find an activity to take your mind off things for a while. Try your hand at journaling to get the mess of what’s happening in your head on to paper. It might just help put your mind at ease.
Avoiding
Avoidance is a typical response to anxiety when it hits. While avoiding your fears seems like the ideal way to go, it will only make your fear far worse and much scarier.
Try facing your fears head on. Little by little, the fear you feel will begin to dissipate. Commit to tackling one small thing at a time.
Neglecting Yourself
Putting yourself first is one of the most important, yet most neglected aspect of supporting your mental health. Actually taking time to rest, do nothing, recharge, and relax is not selfish. It’s much needed and often taken for granted. How can you expect to be at your best if you are run down, over-worked, over-stressed, and exhausted? Simply, you can’t. Your body needs time to rest and heal. Your mind needs time process and slow down. Not taking the time necessary to recuperate, you run the risk of experiencing burn-out, and that’s exactly what we want to avoid.
Try to make time for yourself. Do something you enjoy or something that makes you feel good. Give yourself permission to rest.
Suffering In Silence
Dealing with a mental illness can make you feel alone. It can make you feel isolated. You feel as if you have no one who could possibly understand what you are going through, or you feel as if people will think your mental illness is a silly figment of your imagination, and therefore you feel as if you have to suffer through it alone.
The good news is that you don’t. There are so many others out there who are dealing with the same feelings, thoughts, and emotions as you. There are endless platforms out there where support is waiting to be given, and there are mental health professionals who are qualified and trained to help you along the way.
Over time, each of these things will become easier to not do. Try your best to more aware of when / if you begin to do any of these things and stop it in it’s tracks.
I believe in you!
With love and support, Molly