The hard part is over. I made it through the first interview I’ve had in six years. Yay me!
The initial adrenaline rush is gone, my soul shaking nerves are gone, but the gears in my head are still going and there’s this funky, fuzzy and static feeling in my gut.
After the interview, I thought everything would be fine and all the nerves and panic and everything would just… poof. I had really worked myself up over the whole thing and I was looking forward to the moment where it all disappeared.
But, literally a few minutes after the interview was over, and after a phone call to my mom to let update her on how it went, I was replaying the entire thing over in my head and that funky, fuzzy, static feeling in my gut persisted.
I was replaying what they said and the questions they asked and I was wishing I had said ‘this’ instead of ‘that,’ and I was beating myself up and feeling embarrassment over the minor fumble I had over ONE question.
I tried to move on with my day and tried to not keep thinking about the interview. I went to work and did my job and I felt… okay. I wasn’t feeling perfect, or great even, but I thought it went well and I tried to let myself feel proud of getting through that moment.
Being at work helped keep my thoughts elsewhere but on my way home that night, I had a complete breakdown in my car. (While I was driving on the highway, no less!) All the emotions that had been building up over the course of two or three days had finally erupted. The crying started, which quickly evolved into SOBBING. My chest got tight and it was hard to breath. My body felt like it was rigid from all the tension.
It’s been a few days now since the interview, and with a few days to process and with the release of all the emotional tension, I’m feeling better. I don’t feel 100% just yet due to the lingering anxiety that’s still there, but I don’t feel worse so I’ll take it.
While I wait to hear back from the company I interviewed for, I’ve been trying to keep my mind occupied on other things so I don’t work myself up over it (again), and so I don’t keep replaying the interview over and over (and over) again in my head.
I read an entire 400+ page book in two days, I’ve been watching cute movies on Netflix, I’ve been doing other writing things, and I’ve been trying not to obsessively check and refresh my emails 100 times a day.
Over all, I’d say I handled things in about the way I expected I would.
Mental breakdown? CHECK!
Over analyze? CHECK!
Replay the entire interview? CHECK!
Beat myself up for a small mistake? CHECK!
Bury myself in anything else to avoid thinking about it? CHECK!
The key take-away for myself here is that I did the best the could (during the interview) and I should be proud of myself for powering through it and I should also be proud of myself for doing the one thing that gives me the most anxiety.
I had written a post months ago about how to conquer interviews when you have anxiety and, for the most part, I followed the advice I’d given to you all. Mostly.
It had been a long time since I had an interview and I realized that when your in an anxious state, it’s hard to remember all the useful and helpful tools you’ve learned and it’s harder to put them to use.
My reminders for you are these:
Do the best you can because that’s all you can do.
Try to use what you’ve learned to help keep yourself calm and try, try, try, not to overthink everything too hard.
Try not to beat yourself up over any fumble or mistake you made during it and instead, try to forgive yourself for it. We’re not perfect. Sometimes we fumble.
Take a moment to congratulate yourself for getting through it and give yourself a pat on the back.
Be proud of what you’ve just done! You did a scary and brave thing! That’s so freaking awesome!
If you have to cry, then totally cry! It’s just a way of releasing all the emotion and the tension that you’ve built up and it’s a completely normal response.
Take what you’ve learned from this experience and apply it to the next one.
With Love & Support,
Molly
