In The Beginning

As a young girl, I had no idea what anxiety was. I actually didn’t know that I had it until later on in my sophomore year of high school when I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.

For a long time, before I was diagnosed, I knew that something wasn’t quite right. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. After hearing my therapist say that she suspected that I had social anxiety disorder, everything finally clicked.

It explained why my face would turn bright red when I got nervous, why my voice got shaky and why my palms would get insanely sweaty. It explained why I would take an F on a project I said I hadn’t done (when I did) just so I wouldn’t have to present it in class. It was why I hated going out with friends and refused to use public bathrooms unless someone came with me. It made sense why I had panic attacks and meltdowns over things that were so seemingly simple like calling the doctor, getting my driver’s license, and going to the grocery store alone.

Getting diagnosed with social anxiety disorder was one of the best things to happen to me in my entire life. I know, it seems like a weird thing to say, but it was! I was able to finally accept that there was a reason for the way I was. It meant that I wasn’t defective or not normal. The second best thing to happen to me was learning that there was help for me and that I could learn to cope with and manage the anxiety.

For a couple years, I worked closely with my therapist. Every Wednesday at 3pm I was on her couch talking through my feelings and emotions, making game-plans for how I would combat the anxiety in the coming weeks. Some weeks I made astounding progress and other weeks I made none. The entire process was terrifying but also extremely liberating. Without her and the tools she gave me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be the successful, functioning, 25 year old that I am.

Overcoming anxiety is not always easy and there were days it was really hard. To this day, it’s something that I have to work on constantly and consistently. It gets easier day by day and all I can do is keep working at it.

HELPFUL REMINDERS:

• You are not defective
• You are strong
• Your anxiety doesn’t have to define you
• You are not alone
• Anxiety doesn’t have to rule your life
• Your anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of
• It’s ok to ask for help
• You can take your life back