Your cart is currently empty!
Category: Mental Health
Easing Back To School Anxiety
School is back in session!
The start of the new school year also means the start of the BTS (back to school) anxiety.
I for one, have always dreaded that first day. My anxiety always seemed to increase ten-fold during my first few days back to school than at any other time. I always used to say that I wished I could skip over that first week or two of adjustment and just enter in already knowing where my classes where, who my teachers were, what lunch I had and where to sit, and whether I had classes with any of my friends.
If I had known then what I know now, my first days might not have been so nerve wracking. With these few tips, hopefully you can have a much better start to your school year.
Things To Keep In Mind:
There are hundreds (or thousands, maybe millions) of others who are just as nervous as you are about the first day back. It’s okay to be nervous! You aren’t the only one!
The first day back is always the toughest, but every day after will get easier. Give yourself time to adjust to all the newness. Before you know it, you’ll have found your rhythm.
You have survived every first day of school you’ve ever had, and you will survive this one.
In times of high anxiety, your mind might want to wander to worst case scenarios or if you feel yourself beginning to catastrophize, try to remind yourself that this way of thinking is irrational and serves no purpose but to fuel your anxiety rather than quell it.
How To Prepare:
Make a list of any and all school supplies you need. Whether your heading into middle school, high school, or heading away to college for the first time, you can never go wrong with a list.
Discuss any fears and anxieties with a friend or a loved one. By voicing your concerns and sharing your worst case scenario thoughts, your friends and loved ones can help you to realize the improbability of these situations taking place.
Journal about your fears and anxieties. If you don’t feel up to talking, or you still feel you have more on your mind, then journaling can help to alleviate the seemingly ceaseless barrage of negative thoughts.
Trade the “what if this goes wrong” for the “what if this goes right” thoughts. Rather than constantly assuming the worst, try to think of all the good possibilities.
Example: “What if I don’t make any friends,” turns into “What if I make the best friends.”
Get your eight hours of sleep, or try your best to. Getting a good nights rest before the big day will help your concentration, and boost your level of productivity. If you can, try to avoid having any caffeine too late in the day as well.
Build your first day of school look the night before, or put together a few outfits. If you’re anything like me, and change your mind (and your outfit) at least 3-4 times before finally deciding on the winning outfit, be sure to get up a little earlier to account for the wardrobe changes.
Pack your lunch the night before. This will save you time in the morning and eliminate any last minute rushing that might make you more anxious.
Whether you’re going back to school in person, or taking hybrid classes, any amount of anxiety you have about the new school year is normal and completely understandable.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, give yourself time to adjust, and remember, you are not alone!
You so totally got this!
With love and support, Molly
How To Stay Inspired While Working Towards Your Goals
Inspiration comes in waves. When we feel that initial swell of inspiration, like a surfer, we ride the wave. But the wave doesn’t always last, and just like the waves on the ocean that break and crash into the shoreline, the inspiration we feel also begins to break and crash.
As our inspiration fades, it becomes harder to stay focused on achieving our goals. So, how can we ensure that we stay inspired and motivated? Below are some tips to keep ourselves inspired.
Define Your Goal:
First and foremost, it’s important to have a specific goal in mind that you want to achieve. Take a moment to consider what you are working towards and create a goal that is aligned with that. Once you’ve created your goal, write it down.
Break it Down:
After deciding what your goal is, the next step is to determine how you can achieve that goal. To do that, you should break down our main goal into smaller goals and work towards completing each. By breaking down your main goal into smaller goals, it helps you to avoid becoming overwhelmed and losing motivation early on.
Create a Realistic Timeline:
Take a look at each goal you’ve set and consider how long it will realistically take you to accomplish that goal.
Just like breaking your goal down helps you to avoid becoming overwhelmed, so does coming up with a reasonable timeline. Make sure you give yourself enough time to accomplish the goals you’ve set for yourself. As much as you’d like to get to the end result as quickly as possible, rushing through the process could cause an increase in stress and anxiety, and could lead to burning out more quickly.
Save Inspirational Quotes & Messages:
** This section contains links, but they are not affiliate links, meaning that I will not receive any compensation if you click, subscribe, or sign-up for these services. These links are included purely as a way to direct you to sites I highly recommend. **
One of the surefire ways to keep yourself inspired and motivated is to have a collection of inspirational and motivational quotes, messages, or affirmations handy. You can find positive quotes and messages nearly anywhere you look or you can create your own personalized messages.
Pinterest is one of the best destinations to find uplifting quotes. With millions of Pins to choose from, you can add them to your own personalized album or save them to your phone or computer. To create your own uplifting quotes and messages, you can use Canva which offers free templates to be designed and edited however you choose. Of course, a good old-fashioned Google search isn’t a bad way to go either.
Sometimes, all you might need is a small dose of positivity to give yourself a boost and keep you focused on meeting your goals, and with a collection of inspirational quotes and messages so easily accessible, you can tap into them at any time, anywhere.
This image was created on Canva. Make Time For Fun:
To resist stress and anxiety, be sure to make time for fun. Take breaks and take them often. Engage in activities that you enjoy to give your mind and body time to decompress. Taking time for yourself doesn’t mean you are procrastinating and putting your goal on the back burner. Remember, you don’t have to accomplish all of your goals all at once.
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.”
David OgilvyFind a Community:
Find a group of people who are working towards the same goal as yourself. There are a number of communities on Facebook and Instagram with like-minded individuals who want to accomplish the same thing as you. Being part of a community can offer support, guidance, and inspire you to keep growing and reach your goal. Not only that, but they can also help keep you accountable.
Envision Your Finish Line:
What is waiting for you at the finish line? Imagine how you’ll feel once you get there. Happy? Excited? Elated? Good! Keep imagining what that feeing is and let the vision of you crossing that finish line inspire you and ignite the fire within you.
What inspires me to keep working towards my goals is the vision I have of my future. A future where I am no longer severely and adversely affected by my anxiety. A future where I am successfully doing what I do love to do, and creating a happy life with the person I love and our family of fur-babies (and hopefully little human babies too)!
Seeing how far I’ve come and how the future I’ve envisioned is already beginning to take shape also keeps the fire within me burning. I am determined to reach my finish line!
With love and support, Molly
Identify Your Triggers
Each person with anxiety has one or more triggers that sets their anxiety alarm off. Triggers can vary from person to person and can vary depending on what type of anxiety they are dealing with. It’s important to be able to recognize those triggers so that individuals can best decide what course of action they should take to bring about relief.
Anxiety commonly manifests when we experience a stressor or a set of stressors. Major stressors can range from our physical health, to things happening in our everyday life, such as stress from our work or home life. Stress can also occur from previous experiences like a past trauma or a situation that scared us.
When you begin to feel anxious, if possible, write down what you are experiencing in the moment.
Consider things like:
- What was I thinking of just before my anxiety manifested?
- What situation, if any, occurred right before?
- Were there any physical symptoms that appeared like sweaty palms or a racing heart?
By asking yourself these questions and by documenting your feelings and emotions over a period of time you may be able to see a pattern emerge. By identifying the pattern you can then analyze why your anxiety is manifesting itself as well as come up with a solution to ease your worry.
Example:
Event: Every time I have to drive some place I’ve never been before.
Symptoms: pounding heart, excessive sweating, sweaty palms, hard to breath.
What about this event is making me anxious?: I don’t know how to get there, I don’t know what parking will be like, I don’t know how busy this place will be. What if I can’t find any parking at all? What if it’s parallel parking only, and I don’t know how to parallel park?
What can I do to ease my anxiety?: I can use Apple maps ahead of time to pick the best route for me to take. I can also use the satellite view on my map to see what the parking situation is like ahead of time. If there is parallel parking, I can find the next closest parking lot that isn’t parallel parking. If time allows, I can drive to the location with a friend before hand to get a feel for what the drive/parking is like.
How do I feel now?: I feel better having a plan in place for next time I have to go somewhere I haven’t been before.
By knowing what our triggers are and how we can ease our anxiety induced by said triggers, we are giving ourselves the upper hand in anxiety management.
With love and support, Molly
A few years ago, I was getting ready to go on a first date. We planned to meet up at a bar equidistant from where he and I lived. I was nervous beyond measure and contemplated canceling 87 different times, but I decided to go through with it because I was very interested in him.
After talking my anxiety through with my mom, I realized that the anxiety was coming from the fact that I was supposed to meet him at a bar I’ve never been to before that was located on a pretty busy street. It was also well known that in the downtown area where the bar was, there was only parallel parking available, and that fact didn’t help my anxiety either.
I decided to pull up the location on my map and found the easiest route to take to the bar. I pulled up the satellite view of the bar as well, and found that there was a parking lot just next door that wasn’t parallel parking. I even had my mom drive down to the bar with me (three hours before my date) to get a feel for the route and scope out the location so that I could get more familiar with the street and find the parking lot next door.
Fast forward three hours, I was still nervous, but not nearly as much as before. I stuck to the route I picked out and followed my GPS. I got lucky when I arrived because I found a spot that I could just pull into without having to parallel park or park next door.
Since I was able to analyze the event that was causing me anxiety, and find some solutions to ease my anxiety about the situation, I was able to work through the anxiety and enjoy my first date.
Leave Your Comfort Zone
Inside our comfort zone is safety and security. It’s calm, quiet, and where we are in control. Although we enjoy staying inside our comfort zone because we are free from disappointments, failures, and mistakes, those things are only a fraction of what we will encounter. There is far more good awaiting us in the world outside than what we are leaving behind. There are new friendships to be made, new adventures to be had, and new opportunities to be taken.
The new people we’ll meet might lead to long-lasting friendships with individuals who make a real impact on our lives. The adventures we’ll go on could lead us to places that we never would have ventured before. The opportunities, whether job related or otherwise, will give us invaluable tools and skills that we can take with us into the future, and could also provide us with financial independence.
Small steps first
There’s no need to have a “go big or go home” attitude when deciding to step outside of your comfort zone. Taking one small step forward is something to be proud of.
“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.”
Old Chinese ProverbThink about what lies outside of your comfort zone. What things do you want to be able to do or achieve? Task yourself with taking one small step in the direction you want to go.
What you can do:
- Choose a different genre of movie/tv show that you wouldn’t ordinarily pick
- Take a different route to work
- Try a new food you’ve never had
- Eat out at a restaurant you’ve never been to
- Teach yourself something new: how to play an instrument, how to do sudoku puzzles, how to change a tire, etc.
- Try a diet/workout program
- Say ‘yes’ to going out somewhere new with your friends/family
- Accept a date
- Shuffle your playlist/listen to a new genre of music
Have compassion and celebrate along the way
Leaving your comfort zone can be a scary one. It’s okay if you don’t accomplish your small step right away. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Be compassionate with yourself and remember, there is no time limit- you can always try again tomorrow.
Celebrate every step you take along the way. Enjoy your new-found strength and confidence, and keep going!
Moving beyond your comfort zone might seem like a daunting task, but remember, you only need to take it one step at a time, one day at a time. You’ve got this, and I’m rooting for you every step of the way.
With love and support, Molly
Put In The Work
The life we imagine for ourselves, and very much deserve, will continue to remain out of reach if we do not actively put in the work to get us there. We cannot sit idly by hoping our anxiety will spontaneously vanish and that our lives will be changed. We must be willing to put in the work to bring the life we desire to fruition. Only then will we begin to see monumental change within ourselves and our surroundings.
I did not get to where I am today by simply wishing and willing it into existence, although at times I wished I could do exactly that. I got to where I am by putting in the work I needed to. I spent years in therapy to learn how to cope with and manage my anxiety. I learned techniques and readily put them to use in my life. I exposed myself to the very things that terrified me even when it felt like I would have a heart attack if I did.
Today, I am a manager at my company, I own my own car, and live with my significant other. Today, I am stronger, wiser, more courageous, and more adventurous than I was when I began my journey.
As you begin to put in the work remember that the day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Progress takes time and sometimes the process is slow. Work hard, be patient with yourself, and don’t give up.
With love and support, Molly.
Failure isn’t Fatal
We tend to avoid starting something new because we are afraid of failing at it. Feeling afraid, nervous, and hesitant are completely natural feelings to have. Most people feel fear and anxiety at the start of something new.
Remember, failure isn’t fatal. It shouldn’t be seen as the end-all be-all. Failure is just another step on the road to success. Some of our greatest lessons are learned through failure, and it aids in our growth and development.
I’ve been watching a show called Forged in Fire on the History channel a lot recently. The show asks its contestants to make knives and swords from raw pieces of steel, and then the judges test the pieces strength and durability in extreme tests. These tests are aggressive and brutal. The judges hack into ice blocks, beef bones, fish, wood, pieces of armor, and more. By the end of the tests, one contestant whose blade didn’t make the cut is sent home. Each contestant who leaves will usually say a couple words at the end, and for the most part, they make a comment about how even though they didn’t make it through the competition, they are walking away more knowledgeable, are grateful for the experience, and that they will continue to make blades despite what happened in the challenge.
What I’ve taken away from watching this show is that what we go through is meant to test our own strength and durability, and that we gain knowledge, experience, and resilience, from our failures.
Do not shy away from starting something new because you are afraid of failing. Do it despite your fear. If you fail, do not let it discourage you from trying again, and be thankful for the experience. Focus on what you need to do next to keep moving forward and take what you have learned into the next experience.
With love and support, Molly
Overcoming Setbacks
Experiencing a setback can feel like a soul crushing blow, shattering all personal progress we’ve made, and it’s easy to get stuck in a negative mindset because we are disappointed that we’ve ended up where we have.
Setbacks don’t mean it’s the end for us, and they don’t negate the progress we’ve made- they are simply a minor delay in progress, a hurdle we must overcome to move us towards our next accomplishment.
Rather than building up our setbacks into these huge, monstrous things in our minds, it’s important to take a step back and remember that we have navigated through setbacks before, and we will navigate our way through the next one too.
“Setbacks are only ever as big as the amount of time it takes us to choose to move through them.”
Kyree OliverFrom my late teen years well into my young adult life, venturing out into public alone has caused severe anxiety. It seems like such a small, silly thing to get anxiety over, but it’s been something that I’ve struggled with on and off.
If I had to go grocery shopping, go to the bank, or get my oil changed, I would get heart palpitations, sweaty palms and feet, and I would get shaky. I hated to go anywhere if I didn’t have someone else with me.
Prior to my boyfriend and I moving, I had been able to keep my anxiety under control when going out because I was familiar with my surroundings. I would experience mild discomfort here and there, but nothing that would impede my ability to leave the house.
Over the last two months though, my anxiety about going out alone has resurfaced and magnified due to my boyfriend and I moving to a new place in a new area outside of my comfort zone. I have found it to be increasingly more difficult to subdue my anxious feelings and to talk myself up into leaving the apartment for anything else besides going to work, visiting my parents, and visiting my best friend.
At this moment in time, it is crucial for me to remember that this minor setback (being fearful of leaving my house) is something I’ve experienced before. It is something that I have overcome before as well, and will overcome again. I am also aware that this setback has occurred because I am in a new place that is outside of my comfort zone. I know that once I familiarize myself with this new place, this new area, I will no longer feel fearful about venturing off into public places by myself.
I know that the place I am at now is not my final destination, it is merely a stepping stone on the path to success.
If you find yourself facing a setback, look at it objectively rather than emotionally. Instead of wrapping yourself up in feeling badly about where you are, ask yourself what event or decision caused you to have this setback. Remind yourself that obstacles have been thrown your way before and they have yet to defeat you.
With love and support, Molly
Action!
There is no change where there is no action.
We often feel that a lot of things that happen to us in our lives are beyond our control, and that our only choice is to accept the hand we’ve been dealt. We believe that we lack the power to change our circumstances, and instead of actively working towards making the necessary changes or taking the steps to change our situation, we complain about where we are in our lives.
We are not powerless. We have the power to create the life we desire.
Familiarize yourself with the mental mistakes, begin writing, practice positive thinking, build a support system, constantly ask yourself the three rational questions, seek professional help, etc.
It’s okay to feel hesitant about taking action, and to want to avoid the discomfort that goes along with it, but once you start to see your progress, it’ll be worth it.
Remember, there is no change where there is no action.
With love & support, Molly
Opportunities
In life, we will be offered many opportunities for many different things, big and small. There may be job opportunities, academic opportunities, travel opportunities, and more. These opportunities allow us to learn, develop, grow, and experience new and different things.
But, how often do we take advantage of those opportunities? For those of us who have serious anxiety, probably not often.
If you do decide to pass on an opportunity, think of WHY you made the decision to pass on it. Was it strictly due to your anxiety or was there another deeper reason as to why you passed?
Take a moment to think about this and try to be completely honest with yourself. Once you recognize why you passed on the opportunity, you can work on the issue to prevent you from passing on another similar opportunity.
Last year, I passed on an opportunity to work with one of my best friends. At the time, when I declined her offer, I told her that I wasn’t in a good place mentally to begin something new, and I wasn’t ready for such a major change. While that answer was somewhat true, it wasn’t the honest answer. I passed on her offer because I was afraid to go through the interview process.
Why was I scared about the interview? Interviews scare the living bejesus out of me. They are my least favorite thing in the entire universe. Interviews are evaluations, judgements. They evaluate my character, my skills, how I present myself, etc., and I do not, under any circumstance, like to feel I am being judged.
Not only was my fear of judgement a motivator for me to decline the offer, but if I took a deeper look within, my fear of judgement lead to a fear of rejection which then lead to me realize that this all stemmed from poor self-esteem and low self-worth.
After realizing the true and honest reason for declining my friends offer, I knew that If I didn’t work on casting this fear aside, and work towards building up my self-esteem, then I would undoubtedly miss out on more opportunities like this.
If you feel hesitant about taking an opportunity, set time aside to really think through why you feel that way. Don’t be afraid to dig deep!
With love & support, Molly
Forgiving Yourself
Making mistakes is a part of life; it’s what makes us human. The best part of being human, though, is that we can be forgiven. Not just by others, but by ourselves, perhaps the most important type of forgiveness.
We tend to hold onto our mistakes, becoming hostages of our past, torturing ourselves by replaying and reliving them. We can’t change the mistakes we made, and we can’t go back in time to undo them, but we can forgive ourselves for making them.
How to:
- Acknowledge that we made a mistake
- Accept that a mistake was made
- Avoid punishing ourselves
- Think of our mistake as a learning experience
Ask yourself:
- What did this mistake teach me?
- What worked?
- What didn’t work?
- What can I do differently?
Rather than obsessing about what happened, what could have happened, or should have happened, think of each mistake as a lesson and a learning experience. Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of the human experience and that you are allowed to make them. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and then consider what can you can take away from them.
With love and support, Molly